Gareth Kong? Donkey Bale? We couldn’t resist picking on this week‘s darling.
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CommentaryItaly
Milan sneak a draw against Madrid
A better showing for the Rossoneri today against Madrid, due in no small part to the injection of pace at the center of their formation in the form of Kevin-Prince Boateng. Gattuso was a demon in defense, doubling Ronaldo every time he touched the ball, and making a general nuisance of himself whenever Madrid came with 40 yards of goal.
Still, it was Madrid who dominated chances throughout the game as well as having the better of threatening possession. Their first goal was a thing of beauty, and there were times when the ball moved so quickly between their attacking four that Milan was left simply standing and watching.
The side the Italians fielded today was slightly younger than the one the sent out in Spain, and they looked more determined to defend even if nothing was really materializing up front (save for a couple of Ibrahimovic chances that he really should’ve scored). Maybe they’re just too slow? Milan is obviously full of aging stars, but how old are they exactly?
The chart below represents the ages of all the players who participated in today’s match, Madrid in (away) blue, and Milan in their red (actual red!: RGB 158, 51, 50). The vertical bars are the average age of Madrid (25 years) and the average age of Milan (29.8 years). It doesn’t take into account exactly how long the players were on the field, so Pipo is skewing the average a bit in that area. By the way, he was a yard offside on his second goal.
CommentaryNews
Antonio Cassano – WTF?
Reports from Italy have been coming for about a week now regarding Sampdoria and Italy striker Antonio Cassano and his fallout with the president of the Serie A Club Riccardo Garrone. Cassano hasn’t had a smooth and subtle career, not at Roma where he fell out with Totti, not at Real Madrid where he fought with Fabio Capello, not on the national team where he openly criticized Macello Lippi, and now not at Sampdoria, where he has apparently tweaked the president of the club the wrong way.
It’s not clear exactly what he did to raise such ire. Some say it all started when Cassano stood up Garrone at a public event, where he’d promised to make a showing in support of the president and his club. Other refer to verbal tirades and cursing fits directed at Garrone. What is known is that Cassano issued a public apology, or so he says, though he has refused to put it in writing:
“I am very disappointed at what happened and have already apologised to president Garrone, who I care for very much, in front of my team-mates. I read that this whole affair might have been linked to transfer speculation, but I confirm that – if given the opportunity – it is my firm intention to remain at Sampdoria.”
At first this alluded to apology seemed to smooth ruffled feathers, but turns out nothing was mended, and now Sampdoria look set to release their #1 striker without trying to sell him, just to be rid of him. It’s all gone to the league bigwigs for the final stamp and seal, but it looks like Cassano is moving on down the road.
And in one more bit of madness, Nicola Pozzi, Cassano’s replacement for i Blucerchiati has been banned by Serie A for blaspheming in the dressing room after a game. What could that even mean?
Commentary
Confessions of a New York Red Bulls Stalker (Part One)
New York Red Bulls defeat San Jose Earthquakes 1-0 on Saturday. Which means what? New York has an advantage when they play San Jose on Thursday, November 4th. Lovely. More importantly, a team of happy (and handsome) soccer players landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport the same time my flight from Miami finally decided to pull into the gate. A perfect coincidence.
A few of my besties and I were tired and cranky after a sleepless weekend of Halloween fun. To boot, our pilot did not make the best landing and took a liking to frequent intercom communication. Anger. That is until the three of us exited the baggage claim restroom and collectively spun our heads around, halting all conversation. We somehow managed to shuffle ourselves among a group of ridiculously handsome men. Who are these boys? Where did they come from?
We channeled our high school selves and congregated by the luggage belt. What’s the plan? Sports team? They have to be. Don’t ask. High school? Too young. College? Still too young. Matching outfits. Sponsored? What sport? Matching Adidas. Soccer! Red Bulls jacket. Ding ding! Too easy. A few players stroll past us. What to do? Some wear wedding bands. Eww. Still handsome. Just off limits. Next move? They are headed to Starbucks. Does someone need coffee? “Grande pumpkin spice latte, please.” No coffee for the team. They disappear out the doors and onto a bus. Should we follow? “I will give you all the money in my bank account if you get on the bus.” Could be ten dollars. Could be ten thousand dollars. No takers. There go our husbands.
Post-stalking, we immediately try to find who we’ve actually fallen in love with. After quick consultations with Google and the Red Bulls website, we remember the following players:

Juan Pablo Angel. Captain. 6’1”. 35. Has at least one child. Possibly married. Outlook not awesome.
Seth Stammler. 5’9”. 29. Retiring after 2010 season. To prepare for our upcoming nuptials? He’s breaking the six-foot minimum rule. Perhaps I’ll let it slide. He does have an amazing butt chin. And didn’t he score the game winner in June against Chivas USA?
Medhi Ballouchy. 6’0”. 27. Moroccan. Lots of hair. Not impressed.
Roy Miller. 6’2”. 25. Costa Rican. Definite potential.
Bouna Coundoul. Goalkeeper. 6’2”. 28. Not my favorite. But someone should definitely give him a try. Or two.
Mike Petke. 6’2”. 34. Probable retirement after 2010 season. Married with one child. Sad face.
Sadly, Thierry Henry was absent. Resting still? Or snuck out a different door. Carlos Mendes was also not spotted. Personal sad face for me, considering he’s 5’11” 29 and single. Should we go see them play on Thursday? Absolutely. Let the stalking continue.
CommentaryNews
A Seleção: November 17 vs Argentina
From our Senior Correspondent in Brazil, Mark Gannon. Reporting from the trenches deep in the heart of futebol country.
Here is Mano Menezes’s list for the seleção that will face Argentina in Doha on the 17th of November.
Goalies:
Victor (Grêmio)
Jefferson (Botafogo)
Neto (Atlético-PR)
Interesting that all three are playing in Brazil. A lot of people, including me, thought Victor might be the third goalie for the World Cup. Brazil very often takes a young goalie who might become the starter in the next World Cup.
Wingbacks:
Daniel Alves (Barcelona)
Rafael (Manchester United)
Adriano Corrêa (Barcelona)
André Santos (Fenerbahçe)
André Santos probably owns the left wingback position unless he really screws up. There are other players at his position who would be good choices, but Mano knows and trusts him from their days at Corinthians. Similarly, Daniel Alves seems to be Mano’s guy at right wingback, and deservedly só. He’s very effective and dependable now, and is likely to still be quite good at age 31 in 2014. Rafael is only 20 and already seems to be solidifying his position as Daniel’s backup. His first call-up to the senior team was as part of Mano’s first list, for the friendly against the USA in August.
Central defenders:

Thiago Silva (Milan)
David Luiz (Benfica)
Alex Costa (Chelsea)
Réver (Atlético-MG)
No surprises here. It’s interesting that after a long period of total stability at the center-back position (Juan and Lúcio), Mano already seems to have established who his starters and even preferred backups are at this position. And they seem to be good choices.
When rosters and lineups are listed in Brazil, midfielders are usually separated into “volantes” and “meias.” The basic rule is that meias are offensive midfielders and volantes are more defensive, but there are volantes who can be really important parts of the offense, so I don’t like the term “defensive midfielder” as a translation of “volante.”
Volantes:
Lucas (Liverpool)
Ramires (Chelsea)
Sandro (Tottenham)
Jucilei (Corinthians)
Lucas has been getting more chances with Mano. Ramires was one of Dunga’s best additions to the seleção, and I’m convinced that Brazil lost to Holland in the World Cup quarterfinal basically because Ramires had to sit out that game because of accumulated yellow cards. Brazil had just found what seemed to be the best formula for the team (given that there was no way to sit Kaká, no matter how much he needed it) in the game against Chile. The presence of Jucilei and Elias (see below) is not surprising, not only because Mano remembers the success he had with them at Corinthians, but also because Corinthians is one of the leaders of the Brazilian championship now, in large part because of its excellent midfield (both volantes and meias).
Sandro was an alternate for the World Cup squad and has played for the U-20 and primary national teams.
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What to Watch This Weekend (Oct 30-31)
We’re back once again with our recommendations on when exactly you should plant yourself on your couch or local pub stool this weekend. Again using SoccerInsider’s full TV listing as a reference, here we go, with some notes from various members of the CultFootball collective:
Saturday Oct 30

Manchester United-Spurs 12:30 p.m. FSC: a matchup of the 3rd and 5th place teams in the EPL table, with goal-scoring players in form on both sides (Chicharito and Nani for Man U, Gareth Bale and Rafael van der Vaart for Spurs)
Barcelona-Sevilla 4 p.m. ESPN Deportes: One of the more challenging La Liga games for Barca, especially since Sevilla seems to finally coming into form (6th in the table) after a slow start, and their Brazilian WC2010 star Luis Fabiano back in the lineup and finding the back of the net.
Those are the two matches to make time for, but if you need a couple additional matches to fill out your day:
Hercules-Real Madrid 2 p.m. GolTV: It’ll be interesting to see if Real Madrid can keep up their recent dominating form (well, last week’s scoreless draw against 3rd division Murcia in a Copa del Rey game excepted), or conversely whether Hércules can pull off another upset.
AC Milan-Juventus 2:30 p.m. FSC: AC Milan is 2nd in the Serie A table, and has an exciting set of big names in attack: Ronaldhino, Pato, Robinho, Ibrahimovic, Seedorf, while Juve is in 5th. See Goal.com’s rundown of key individual matchups here.
And since the MLS playoffs have started, a Saturday night special…
San Jose-New York 10 p.m. Telefutura: Sounds like Thierry Henry will miss this match due to an injury, but the Red Bulls have a number of players to watch: Rafa Marquez, the Mexican international recently arrived from Barcelona; Estonian Joel Lindpere; Jamaican Dane Richards; and Senegalese-American goalkeeper Bouna Coundoul (see this NY Daily News article about his journey from Senegal to the Bronx to high school in Manhattan, and eventually to the MLS).
Sunday Oct 31
Palermo-Lazio 7:30 a.m. FSP: Roman side Lazio sits atop Serie A, while Palermo is in 8th. We’ll refer you to Goal.com for each side‘s rosters, recent team news, and standard formations.

Newcastle-Sunderland 9:30 a.m. FSP: The Tyne-Wear derby. Overlooked step-sister Sunderland have held their own against Newcastle on the pitch over the years, if not in international fame. Always good to share your name with a tasty brew.
Bolton-Liverpool noon FSC: Liverpool played well last week, and Fernando Torres finally scored, so it’ll be interesting to see if they can build on that—and work their way up in the table.
And one more—another MLS playoff game, featuring the star-studded Galaxy:
Seattle-Los Angeles 8 p.m. ESPN2
Commentary
MLS Playoff Brackets
Colorado already has a 1 goal advantage heading into the second leg, with the remaining first round games to be completed through the weekend.
CommentaryVideo
Becks Gets a Rubdown
I’m not so demanding when at the spa, but I also don’t usually visit places where English is an option.