main

News

Red Bulls Choke

November 5, 2010 — by Sean


Red Bulls Arena this evening, courtesy of cultfootball correspondent / resident stalker Amy Chiu

Well, our local team, the New York Red Bulls, have gone crashing out of the MLS playoffs even with the likes of Rafa Márquez and Theirry Henry on the roster. To be fair, Henry was injured and only came on in the last 5 minutes, when he mishit a ball lofted gently to his head whilst unmarked inside the six yard box. It would’ve tied the game. Henry would’ve been a hero, worth every penny. I couldn’t believe it. But first things first.

The Bulls were actually pretty fun to watch tonight. Sure they lack that killer last pass, and even if they made the right choice the person on the end of the ball usually stiffened up and turned it over. But there were some serious bright spots. Lindpere was solid as usual, and Dane Richards created some dangerous attacks up the right. Ballouchy in the center ran hot and cold. He’d get into good positions, but often waste the ball. And Tim Ream, left back and rookie born in the USofA, was also solid and has had a great first season. Potential USMNT call up for certain.

The real standout in the losing effort was 17 yr old Juan Agudelo. His movement wasn’t always the best, but he’s quick, has very good control, and plays patiently even right in front of net. He smashed a shot into the post at one point and was a general nuisance to San Jose throughout. By the way, it was his second ever game for the team. You can see he has the markings of a man set for European.

In other news: the ref was sub-par this evening. I’m not one to approve of whistling ticky tacky fouls, but players were barreling into each other, the ball nowhere near them, and the ref would let play continue without a blink. And John Harkes on the ESPN color commentary, sweet jesus what a mouth on that guy. He spent a good 10 minutes just venting about Márquez from a place of deep and long-standing resentment. The guy is like a drunk at the bar shooting off his mouth. Instead of providing well crafted, diplomatic insight into the good bad and ugly on the pitch, he’d rather rant about a tackle on Cobi Jones from a decade ago. He actually has some good things to say, but when you’re a paid sportscaster, it’s all about the delivery. (ps. we’re not paid, so we can be crap)

Commentary

Confessions of a New York Red Bulls Stalker (Part One)

November 1, 2010 — by AmyChiu

New York Red Bulls defeat San Jose Earthquakes 1-0 on Saturday.  Which means what? New York has an advantage when they play San Jose on Thursday, November 4th.  Lovely.  More importantly, a team of happy (and handsome) soccer players landed at John F. Kennedy International Airport the same time my flight from Miami finally decided to pull into the gate. A perfect coincidence.

A few of my besties and I were tired and cranky after a sleepless weekend of Halloween fun.  To boot, our pilot did not make the best landing and took a liking to frequent intercom communication. Anger.  That is until the three of us exited the baggage claim restroom and collectively spun our heads around, halting all conversation. We somehow managed to shuffle ourselves among a group of ridiculously handsome men.  Who are these boys? Where did they come from?

We channeled our high school selves and congregated by the luggage belt. What’s the plan? Sports team? They have to be. Don’t ask. High school? Too young.  College? Still too young.  Matching outfits. Sponsored? What sport?  Matching Adidas. Soccer!  Red Bulls jacket. Ding ding!  Too easy.  A few players stroll past us. What to do? Some wear wedding bands. Eww. Still handsome. Just off limits. Next move?  They are headed to Starbucks. Does someone need coffee?  “Grande pumpkin spice latte, please.”  No coffee for the team. They disappear out the doors and onto a bus.  Should we follow?  “I will give you all the money in my bank account if you get on the bus.” Could be ten dollars.  Could be ten thousand dollars. No takers.  There go our husbands.

Post-stalking, we immediately try to find who we’ve actually fallen in love with.  After quick consultations with Google and the Red Bulls website, we remember the following players:

Hello Miss Chiu 😉

Juan Pablo Angel. Captain. 6’1”. 35. Has at least one child. Possibly married. Outlook not awesome.

Seth Stammler. 5’9”. 29. Retiring after 2010 season. To prepare for our upcoming nuptials? He’s breaking the six-foot minimum rule.  Perhaps I’ll let it slide. He does have an amazing butt chin. And didn’t he score the game winner in June against Chivas USA?

Medhi Ballouchy. 6’0”. 27. Moroccan. Lots of hair. Not impressed.

Roy Miller. 6’2”. 25. Costa Rican. Definite potential.

Bouna Coundoul. Goalkeeper. 6’2”. 28.  Not my favorite. But someone should definitely give him a try. Or two.

Mike Petke. 6’2”. 34. Probable retirement after 2010 season. Married with one child. Sad face.

Sadly, Thierry Henry was absent. Resting still? Or snuck out a different door. Carlos Mendes was also not spotted. Personal sad face for me, considering he’s 5’11” 29 and single. Should we go see them play on Thursday?  Absolutely.  Let the stalking continue.



News

Red Bulls v Toronto FC

August 21, 2010 — by Sean

Our beloved Red bulls travel north this afternoon to meet a team they beat just two weeks ago. The whistle is scheduled to blow at 1pm, with the winner edging closer to securing a playoff spot—the Bulls can go take their lead over the Canadians to 8 points with a win, while a loss will bring the clubs within 2 points.

There are still 9 games left in the season after this one, but the Bulls’ staff has their eyes on the prize:

“When I look at it, we need to be top two in the East,” coach Hans Backe said. “Time speaks for us. I’m just hopeful we can pick up the points we need to reach the playoffs, because both [Henry and Marquez] will adjust their game in a month or something like that. . . I don’t know the time, but time speaks for us for both players to reach their peak by the playoffs.”