Please pick a side. You probably shouldn’t follow the rules for both sides, though who are we to tell you what to do? If you haven’t determined which side you’re rooting for by now, flip a coin and if you’re unhappy with the result, change.

Fans of Spain
We expect you’ll be drinking some form of Spanish wine: if red tempranillo is too heavy, get an albariño. No matter what you decide, make sure to have some sparkling cava on hand.

• If Spain complete 10 consecutive passes, take a drink. Extra points for each “Olé!”
• If Spain complete 10 consecutive passes without Xavi touching it along the way, down your glass.
• If David Villa scores a goal, down your glass. If anyone else from Spain scores, drink two glasses.
• If Iker Casillas punches the ball, take a drink.
• If Spain’s possession at halftime is over 65%, finish your drink and get another for the second half.
• If Spain’s coach, Vicente del Bosque, shows any emotion whatsoever take a drink.
• If Spain win, pop the Cava.

Holland Fans
For those of you without an herbal prescription for your glaucoma, secure a bottle of jenever and some Grolsch, unless you’re particularly fond of Heineken.

• If Arjen Robben cuts back to his left foot take a drink. If he shoots or crosses with his right foot, finish your glass.
• Take a shot whenever the camera zooms in on van Persie whining at a teammate (complaining to the ref does not count).
• Take a drink whenever Mark van Bommel knocks someone to the ground. Finish your glass if he gets a yellow card.
• If any Dutch player scores a goal, have yourself a duikbootje (submarine), by dropping a shot of jenever into your beer and drinking it whole.
• If Holland win, finish whatever you’re drinking and go find yourself a soused herring sandwich.

Wildcards

• If the announcer calls a pass or shot “speculative” take a drink.
• If the announcer calls a tackle “cynical” take a drink.
• If the game goes into penalties, take a drink with each one.
• Take a drink anytime the cameras scan the crowd for royalty, elected officials, or Archbishop Desmond Tutu.
• If Alexi Lalas’ outrageously broad hand movements see him hit another commentator, buy a drink for someone in opposing colors.