At least half a millenium in the past, a great controversy arose. It seemed as if it would tear the capital apart but for some last-ditch negotiations that saved the city and brought glory upon a few of its most unlikely characters.
The story begins with young Jacques, a troubled lad with three older brothers named Barry, Robin, and Maurice. Living in his brothers’ shadow seemed to undo poor Jacques, for his brothers were talented and known throughout the land not only for their three-part harmonies and their singing group The Brothers G, but also for their ability to breed and train the finest beasts of burden. Jacques was much younger, and he was merely a fleecer’s apprentice. He felt his fleecing skills were honed, but the master fleecer would only allow Jacques to shave the fleece of small lambs for sale at market because he had such a penchant for trouble. One might imagine a young boy should be excused for stirring up a fuss once in a while, but then came the day when Jacque crossed the wrong citizen, the wealthy and powerful Lady Beatrice Fanckvool.
One day Jacques finally grew tired of his brothers’ effortless wooing of Lady’s Fanckvool’s four daughters. As The Brothers G cooned original ballads such as “How Deep Is Your Love” and “More Than a Woman” while plowing Lady Fankvool’s daughters’ fields with their magnificent horned bovines, Jacques decided to destroy the fields. He was jealous, he wanted his three brothers with their gorgeous falsettos to be blamed, so Jacques burned the shit out of Beatrice Fanckvool’s fields. And he really smoked ’em good. Fanckvool’s four daughters, horrified at what they believed were the heinous acts of The Brothers G, ran to their mother to alert her.
Enraged at the news, Lady Fanckvool stormed into town with the four girls and found Jacques and his brothers’ father Amir. It’s worth mentioning that Amir created some of the most impressive thatchwork in the capital, and he was currently at work constructing a square made of his best straw dwellings. Beatrice Fanckvool lit a torch, held it near one of Amir’s edifices and screamed that her daughters will have vengeance for her torched fields. Passersby gasped in horror, for Amir’s humble constructions had recently been commissioned for designation as the city’s newest and greatest sporting square.
Enter Aern Northundon, peacemaker and the capital’s most esteemed negotiator. Mr. Northundon sat with Beatrice Fanckvool, her four daughters, and Amir, Jacques, and The Brothers G. They sat in the thatched straw square for days, for Aern was determined to forge a compromise between the aggrieved parties. Finally, at dawn on the fourth day, Northundon took out some parchment and began writing a contract. He beckoned to some errand boys to bring all off the working animals belonging to The Brothers G to the square, and he also requested as many of the largest adult male sheep owned by Jacques’ master.
By now a huge crowd had gathered and tensions were quite high. Amir’s woven buildings must not be allowed to burn, but somehow Lady Fanckvool’s four daughters must be compensated for the loss of their fields. Aern Northundon slowly stood and cleared his throat. The crowd hushed and people listened. Northundon recited the words he had written, Beatrice smiled, and she extinguished her flame. Her four daughters embraced, The Brothers G hung their heads, and cheers could be heard throughout all corners of the square. As Jacques sharpened his blade with a confident smirk, messengers were sent across the capital in all directions to spread the news. And the message became a chant that was sung by the masses whenever the capital’s most glorious team played in the square, and to this day it is still sung:
“Northundon’s read! Northundons’s read!
Amir huts’ strength is Amir huts’ lore.
Jacques will shear
rams say Aern,
all to Bea Fanckvool Four!”